blissful ignorance

ian m. 


My entire life has been affected by my dad's decisions and my willing blissful ignorance of my dad's poor habits. But now that I'm older and I hope a little bit wiser but to be honest I'm not mad at my dad for his behaviour I honestly should be thanking him because even though it was bad I think it has helped me to become a better person. but honestly I think it was the reason for some of my biggest flaws and some of my favorite parts about me. So im gonna talk about some of my stories I have about my dad.

My youngest experience I remember was with my dad and my brother. So we’re at the beach and my brother and my dad are fighting and the sand is very warm because the sun had just gone down. The water is soaking up all the heat from the sand and the black hot sand has finally cooled down and became warm, not hot or cold. Florida was like that very nice all the time but had these nice rains every afternoon at five. So my dad who is furious and my brother George was just as mad but my dad was acting so weird and tired. But he was almost falling asleep while standing. Knowing what I know now I realize that my dad was probably relapsing again.

I’ve always been a bit wanting in the logic areas of life until very recently. And I used to think “Mom why would you divorce dad.” and “it was her fault shes making these things up” but no I was the one that was being blind to the fact that my dad was at fault for all these problems.

I used to spend about ⅓ of my Christmases with my dad that's gone way down recently but they used to be fun that's when I got my first Xbox and some of my favorite games. Still to this day I play Xbox and legos to get away sometimes. Well my big brother helped me and my younger brother, Jack, set it up and we play one of my favorite games to this day Halo 3. And all 3 of us are playing when my dad is in the living room and we get called by him to the living room. He asks if we all want to go out and get some ice cream. So my dad has this old 1995 beater truck that holds 3 people but all 4 of us try and fit in the car and we fit of course but not well. So we're driving and we get to dairy queens and we're going through the drive through and we get refused service and we go to the parking lot to figure out what to do. So my dad tells us that they wouldn't serve us because we were all stacked in the car which seems like obviously a lie now but then I believed it. Then we figure we gotta go to a different place so we start on the way to a little local ice cream parlor. The thing is my dad was hardly keeping it together behind the wheel and we had to keep waking him up. Now it seems kind of stupid but we didn't think this was weird but kind of normal. So we keep driving and he passes out but no one noticed because we were all messing around with each other. And we hit a car parked on the side of the road. This part gets a little patchy so bare with me. So my mom says i hit my head on the wheel then the dashboard and completely crushed my nose. And then we are all getting taken out of the car by some police. And my mom says one of the cops recognized my dad and called her. And then i start to remember this again. So one of the paramedics is letting me sit in the back of the ambulance even though none of us really needed it. So we get a ride home in a squad car and then my mom takes us home from our dads house. And it was really weird because all i really was mad about that night was that we had to leave the xbox at my dads house. I don’t even think I even thought it was a big deal when people would ask what happened at school id just brush it off like something that just happens. But now i realize that if he would've passed out on a slightly busier road we could've been severely injured or even killed.

I still love my dad and when he's sober he's really fun to be around but he hasn't been for most of my childhood and it has had some adverse effects on me. Whether they be good or bad I honestly wouldn't change my childhood because i feel like it taught me some lessons i had to learn eventually but got them over with sooner rather than later. But I do realize there are some things I could do without. I don’t trust people and never really rely on other people for other things because you are the best person to deal with your problems so. Off topic little rant there at the end but this is my story(s).