I remember that summer that was a summer I looked forward to. I remember the sounds of excitement. I remember the rides and memories of this summer. I remember the sight of the big cruise ship. Not just ,a regular cruise ship but a Disney cruise ship. Everywhere Disney themed; everywhere smiling families. Everywhere many memories waiting to be made, but not all memories are and were “filled with smiles.”I remember... I remember that feeling; I remember the sight and feeling of fear.
At the time of the cruise I was only about 10 years old, so I was in the awkward stage of “I’m still a kid but I want to also have my own time and do things on my own and not always be with parents and forming into a teen.” I wanted to have some freedom and go to the activities with my step-sisters, Taylor and Tory. Taylor is blonde hair, blue eyes, VERY curly hair 12 year old and Tory is a brown hair, brown eyes, slight curly hair 13-14 year old.
Inside the cruise they had different “hangouts” for certain ages with activities to do. My dad and step mom let us kids go in “groups” at least a buddy system if we wanted to go adventure around. While adventuring we found out there is free ice cream, on the wet sunny deck. Taylor and I ran back to our room and squealed “They have free ice cream on the deck!” to my dad. That was one exciting memorie I have of this eventful summer. As well as the late nights of sliding down the lit up slide and swimming in the beautiful summer sun; but of course many exciting and happy things always come with a cost. A cost with many feelings.
Coming closer to the day our cruise would end, we had a fancy family dinner in one of the more elegant “restaurant” on the cruise. For this dinner I got to dress up and put jewelry on and a little bit of makeup from my step mom Misty. Everything was going fine and exciting until we had to start going to the destination of the dinner on the ship. We all started walking as a group, later we came to an elevator. A gray elevator, more than twice the size of me at the time. My dad pushed the up arrow button, the button flashed a tan-white color signifying we would be soon gathering into the elevator and traveling up. Elevators always made me fear in my young mind, “what would happen if i got stuck, what if it suddenly dropped I was inside it, what if the doors would crush me if I didn’t make it into the “big machine” in time.
Soon the doors opened and we all started gathering into the tiny space, I was too busy reassuring myself everything was going to be fine on the short, crowded ride , that my world became a sight of slow motion. As reality quickly snapped back the doors closed leaving me alone while my family, my herd, my flock, my group got separated from me. The feelings of loneliness whisked against my mind. The feeling of separation see in my eyes. Acknowledging what had happened made me panicky. Here i am stuck on a large cruise ship with 1,000 + people, alone, small, fragile. Left to stare at my fear.
These feelings can be felt in and for so many events; but before I knew it, my best friend I knew wouldn't let me be alone appeared. My gracious heavenly father and the holy spirit, let me know it would be okay, that I am not alone. I had a feeling of calmness They let me see that it's okay to feel these certain ways but to know that you're not alone, to know people do care.
Before I knew it, the frightening machine opened and I saw my dad standing there. Coming back for me and reassuring me at that point that I was never forgotten and that it is okay and all will be fine.